X-FACTOR: DJ SWITCH WINS GLO’S N24M, SONY MUSIC DEAL

Sensational rapper Obianuju Catherine Udeh, popularly known as DJ Switch, has been crowned Africa’s first X-Factor winner. The 29-year-old Geology graduate of the University of Port Harcourt and native of Udi, Enugu State, was declared winner at the grand finale of the show held at Dream Studios, Bamako Street, Omole, Lagos. She beat the two other finalists Ethel Eshun and Vicky Gomoti in the last round of voting to win Globacom’s N24 million cash prize and a recording contract with Sony Music. Before the announcement of the results, the expectation of audience, judges and contestants alike had built to a crescendo as everybody waited anxiously to find out who the first X Factor winner in Africa would be. *DJ Switch collecting her

cheque The suspense was to last even longer as Glo ambassador from Ghana, Efya, came on stage for a wonderful performance that had the audience applauding rapturously. After her performance, X Factor host, Toolz, turned to the judges and sought to know how they felt about the night. “Shake” and “Ada Ada” crooner, Flavour, came onstage next to thrill guests with a scintillating performance. He proved why he was a crowd favourite as the audience rose to their feet to dance along with him. After Flavour’s performance, the contestants came out to sing the songs they sang at the audition stage. Vicky led the performances, and she got a standing ovation from the three judges. “How did your daughter perform?” Toolz inquired of Onyeka. “She has grown from a pupa to a butterfly. She sang with confidence and inner joy. I had goose pimples just listening to her. I have no doubt that she’ll make it. May God bless you.” DJ Switch came up next, and reacting to her performance, MI said, “Switch, people scream when you perform because you inspire us all. When you came for the audition, I felt you tried. I had already made up my mind that you wouldn’t make it to my final three mentees, but you changed my mind. Everybody here needs to know that no matter what people say about you, it doesn’t matter as long as you fight.” he concluded. Reggie gushed, “DJ Switch, you are inspirational; you excite me. My children love you; everybody loves you!” As for Onyeka, she opined, “Unlike the other judges, the moment you stepped on stage, I knew you had it.” Eshun was the next to perform, and she pulled out all the stops as she shimmered in her green attire. Then the climax! The contestants held hands together as they anticipated the results that would change the lives of one of them forever. The first runner-up was Eshun and she got the sum of N1m for her efforts, while Vicky, the second runner-up, also got N1m.

SIX FINALIST EMERGE AT MTN PROJECT FAME

Six finalists have made it to the grand finale of MTN Project Fame after months of rigorous training and keen contests. They are Olawale, Immaculate, Omolayo, Rowland, Margaret and Niniola. Consequently all is set for the grand finale which holds on September 28 at Ultima Studios, Lekki, Lagos.

Commenting on their performance, Banky W said that he was impressed and described this year’s contestants as superstars while Wizkid described them aThe Powerful Six.

s outstanding. For Joke Silva, they are

Currently in its sixth edition, the winner of this year’s edition will go home with a whopping N5million and an SUV while the first runner up goes home with N2million. The second runner up gets N1.5million.

MTN Project Fame is designed to empower youths talented in music. Over the years it has discovered acts like Iyanya, Chidinma, Praiz and kesse among others.

BOY BUILDS EXCAVATOR (SEE PICS & VIDEOS)

A boy of 16 yr in the Street of Onitsha was seen displaying one of his newly constructed Escavator, he displays to me how he pours sand and turns it around together with the beep sound that normally beep during huge work. I always tell people that we have a lot of talent in our Streets this days, imagine a boy at this age can construct something that can make people fill with surprises.

 ESCAVATOR

Excavators are heavy construction equipment consisting of a boom, stick, bucket and cab on a rotating platform (known as the "house"). The house sits atop an undercarriage with tracks or wheels. A cable-operated excavator uses winches and steel ropes to accomplish the movements. They are a natural progression from the steam shovels and often called power shovels. All movement and functions of a hydraulic excavator are accomplished through the use of hydraulic fluid, with hydraulic cylinders and hydraulic motors. Due to the linear actuation of hydraulic cylinders, their mode of operation is fundamentally different from cable-operated excavators.

 

     He has constructed a lot of things like cars, bikes, motorcycles, radio sets, torch-lights, television and keke napep with little or no support he gets from his parents at home (Onitsha City). Just imagine if he's taken care of by the government of this Nation and given the real Education he deserves with the Materials available I bet u, this boy will do Wonders.

NOLLYWOOD SEXIEST: MICHEL MAJID, QUEEN NWOKOYE CRASH OUT….

As the quest enters its final phase in the race for the final 10 contenders the duo of Michel Majid and Queen Nwokoye have crashed out after failing to boost their votes to stay in the quest.

Queen had it coming because as at last week she was sitting at precipice of the ‘drop zone’ at 14th position and it appears she could do little or nothing to prevent her exit from the quest.

Michel Majid on the other hand, wasn’t the last man to the ‘drop zone’, all eyes were on Pat Attah who looked like the next man in line to get the boot but somehow he has been able to trade places with Michel who is on his way out.

All in all, though the week was a busy one with more votes coming in but things have remained pretty much the same except for some expressions of serious intent.

The toughest battle zone seems to be at the very top between Tonto Dikeh and Stephanie Okereke. Though Tonto still retains her top slot but Stephanie is breathing down her neck so hard that if nothing extraordinary happens from the camp of Tonto she may find herself being shoved aside by Stephanie who is definitely an item to look out for.

Yul Edochie still has his foot to the gas and seems to be enjoying his cruise control drive with no one in sight, at least within the earshot, to give him any concern.

Another interesting conflict zone is between Benson Okonkwo and Pope Odonwondo; both are in 4th and 5th places respectively but the fight between them is a sight to behold!

These two chaps had more votes this past week more than anybody with the exception of Yul Edochie and Uti Nwachukwu who are not resting on their oars despite the difference in their positions.

The battle is so intense that anything can happen. They are both very restless in their 4th and 5th places that Frank Artus may very well be on the red alert.

Ramsey Nouah isn’t yet threatened in his 2nd place but it wouldn’t be a bad idea if he gets to watch his back every now and then. The only person who seems to be taking everything and every moment like there’s war out there is Yul Edochie and isn’t letting anyone sneak up on him.

Nadia Buari, Biodun Okeowo and Uche Jombo are looking rather tired and disinterested with intense proceedings going on around them and before long may have to take a breather.

As they say: never say never again and as far as we have come to know in this quest for the Sexiest Man and Woman in Nollywood 2013 anything can happen any time. Keep voting.

NOT FOR MONEY: SKALES

EME Records Solider boy Skales, was recently interview by Hip Tv and was ask  about his  relationship with his girlfriend Kondja Aveii, while skales denies rumors that he did not date her because her parent are rich or  because she buy him Car. Here is what  HipTV ask  him about their relationship and answer Skales gave back;

“I’ve gotten a lot of comments and all that saying I’m dating her because her parents are wealthy and that she bought me a car like that. The truth is, I really love her because her family are nice people and we have been together for a long time.”

LADY GAGA: I ATE DIRT

Lady Gaga is one of the biggest pop stars in the world, admired for her fashion risks and beloved by millions, but getting to the top wasn't easy. Mother Monster graces the cover of Elle magazine's October issue, and in it, she silences the doubters who question the hardships she has had overcome to be a successful artist.

"Everyone is so cynical — that I can't purely love my fans, or share an honest story about my past, without someone asking me if I really, truly struggled," Gaga said. "Do you know how much dirt I ate? Do you know the men I had to crawl through, the people that disrespected my body, my mind, my heart?"

Lady Gaga - "Applause"

Yet, it seems as a result from those struggles her public persona emerged transforming her from Stefani Germanotta to Lady Gaga.

"I am — Stefani is — a perpetually tortured artist. That's why I changed my name," she said. "I can't be her in public. She would be a mess!"

One would think juggling these two images plus being a pop icon would be taxing, but according to Gaga, she doesn't let the pressure faze her. "What are you talking about, pressure? I'm great under pressure. I'm a warrior. I'm Rocky, round 12," she said.

The "Applause" singer is now gearing up to release her fourth album, ARTPOP, on November 11, following a break from the spotlight that had her recovering from hip surgery, using that time to "go back to the core."

"I went to look back to myself being 19, with all my Warhol books and all my Yoko Ono and John Lennon CDs, my Rolling Stones CDs and my Bowie..., and I said, what would she want me to do right now?" Gaga said. "Well she'd want you to call Jeff Koons and Robert Wilson and Marina Abramović and Inez and Vinoodh... And that's what I did!"

REASON WHY JONATHAN SACKED NINE MINISTERS

President Goodluck Jonathan sacked nine ministers yesterday – in a shocking move that sparked questions on the motive of the action.
Five factors accounted for the ministers’ sack, The Nation learnt.

According to highly-placed sources in government, some of the reasons are: non-performance; security reports on alleged corruption; political allegiance and doubtful loyalty to the President; poor management of turn-key projects; and the crisis in the ruling Peoples Democratic Party(PDP).

A source, who pleaded not to be named because of the “sensitivity” of the matter, said: “You will recall that the President asked the ministers to sign a performance bond. About four of the nine ministers failed to live up to expectations in the assessment of the Presidency.

“In fact, three of the ministers were yet to understand their mandate after being in office for two and a half years. One of the ministers had more than 20 agencies under him but his performance was poor.

“We cannot also rule out alleged corruption acts by two to three of the ministers. For instance, there is a particular outgoing minister who forced the parastatals under the ministry to buy a N17million Sports Utility Vehicle SUV for personal use.

“The money-spinning parastatals were unhappy but they had to do it. It also got to a ridiculous extent that the minister was always asking for remittance of interest accruable from funds kept in some banks by parastatals under the ministry.

“Another minister had problems with award of contracts, some of which were rated as inferior. The agencies supervised by the minister made a joint demand for change.

“Ironically, the minister lost a plum cabinet position at a time a platform was created in a state to fight political adversaries of Jonathan. The minister was dazed when the President announced the sack.”

According to a source, there was also the alleged tardiness in the award of the $1.3billion (N212billion) Zungeru Hydro Project.

The Federal Government is expected to spend about N303million in generating one megawatt of electricity. The hydro project is said to be one of the most expensive in the world.

DENRELE: WE FILLED BEVERLY’S BBA FORM AT GOLDIE’S HOUSE

Nigeria’s representative at this season’s edition of big brother ‘the chase’ Beverly and Melvin did a little tour of Abuja radio stations in company of Denrele, Uti, Selly from Ghana and made a major stop at hot 98.3 Abuja where Denrele revealed he helped Beverly fill her form which earned her the spot to represent Nigeria at the competition.

Most people had expressed disgust at Big Brother’s choice of Beverly as Nigeria’s representative, arguing that she is not a representation of a true ‘Nigerian Girl’…

::Denrele::

Denrele says “I had a lot of people come to me during the ‘Beverly season’ funny thing is that we filled Beverly form in Goldie’s house, Goldie was in US at the time, I had filled 12, then another 12 infact close to like 50 people, everybody had their own personality and I had to make it special for everyone.

‘In her (Beverly) own case, I kept telling her oya (sic) start writing, she was a little non-challant, before we even got Beverly to write it was difficult, others took it seriously, we just need people to give us that extra push in this country which is what we lack, the industry is wide enough for everyone.

Big Brother House mate Oneal from Botswana was quoted to have said ‘he was in the studio and they came to pick him up for the Competition’

Story by Cheezy Charles

SUDDEN WEIGHT LOSS: ‘I AM NOT SICK,’ CRIES NGOZI EZEONU

                     Former plus sized Nollywood actress Ngozi Ezeonu has reacted to rumours making the round that her weight loss is health related; insisting she only worked on her body.

For days now, the actress has been posting pictures of herself on Facebook clearly showing that she had lost an incredible amount of weight. Her fans (turned doctors) have diagnosed all manner of illness to this regard.

*Ngozi transformed

Ngozi in a swift reaction has refuted the claims. “I will really appreciate it if some people will stop insinuating that I’m sick just because I worked on my weight. Please o I’m not sick. Wish us well instead of sickness or death. Thank u’, she wrote on her Facebook page.

Fans may have reacted this way following a similar incident recorded with another plus-sized Nollywood actress Ngozi Nwosu who had stepped out late last year for weeks looking all slim and trim provoking similar rumours of illness which she had bluntly denied before eventually admitting.

Ngozi Nwosu was suffering from heart and kidney related ailments and had eventually cried to the public for help.

Ngozi Ezeonu, however, insists this is not her case.

What do you think about her sudden loss of weight? 

HOW I WAS TRICKED INTO A PORNOGRAPHIC MOVIE: CHARLES INOJIE

Popular comic-actor, Charles Inojie is still wondering how he was tricked into featuring in that lewd film titled ‘Calabar Girl’ directed by  Jerry Don Nwachukwu. The film was produced by Divine Ezeibekwe and banned immediately after  it was released sometime in May, this year by the National Film and Video Censors Board. Charles recounts the story of how he got involved in the production.  He also talks about the coup that catapulted him to the top while working  as an Assistant Director under Lancelot Imasuen among other issues. Excerpts:

A  comic-actor!

Do you know that I am not aware that I am a comedian?  There are places I visit today and I tell people that I am not a regular comedian;someone you see and you start laughing or someone who is ever ready to act as a clown when the occasion does not call for it. I see myself as a very serious person. I see myself as a good actor.

If I do comedy roles well, it is only  because that is where I have probably, been most tested and again not a function of any kind of training I had. Except that I probably just have it in me. I believe that my late grandmother had the strongest sense of humour that I ever found in anyone and I benefited generously from her talent. Maybe, I am one of those you would say are naturally gifted as humourist.

School of hard knocks

::Charles Inojie::

I hate it when I hear people say, I am self -made. There is no one on earth that is self made otherwise people like us are not supposed to be where we are today. When I picked my bag one morning  and told my father I had secured admission into the University of Port Harcourt , the man only  laughed at me. We were living in Ogun State then, and I  hail from Edo State .

He said, ‘you did not try to gain admission into the now Ambrose Alli University, Ekpoma  or University of Benin so that your  financial challenges could be better courtailed . But now that you are going to UNIPORT, would help come your way?’.

In school, it was just me and my closest neighbour which is poverty. When I woke up in the morning, the first person that told me good morning was poverty. But I think, God gave me a special grace. Beyond all these travails, there was always a point I wanted to get to, and that was to graduate from the university at the end of the day.

I graduated from the University in 1999, and in  2000, I was already on set with Lancelot Imasuen as an Assistant Director. I was part of the productions he did in the early 2000, such as Last Burial, Isakaba, August Meeting  and many others. Therefore, I would say joining  Nollywood was not as difficult as it has been for most of my colleagues. This is because I had someone who provided the platform for me to launch my acting career.

Beyond that, when I became a full-fledged director,  I had the producers to contend with, who were always driven by the passion to expand their profit margin. I am a gift from God because in spite of all that I passed through, one happened to be one of the  very few people who have enjoyed prime patronage and I thank God for His mercies.

Relationship with Lancelot Imasuen

That is another story altogether. I was telling some of my close friends recently that Lancelot is my friend  because a lot of people believe that  we are brothers. I actually met Lancelot in 1992, at UNIPORT where we sat for the entrance examination for the Certificate Programme in Theatre Arts. He was in the company of another friend of ours known as  Kennedy Ovbiahon who’s now late.

After sitting for the qualifying examination, we returned to our different locations and later had to meet again  when we were offered admission.  Lancelot was as poor as I was, while on campus.  It was only  natural for us  to  share the same apartment in school. And since  then, we have been good friends.

Joining  Nollywood

We have made some humble contributions to acting. As a matter of fact, my very first movie as a full- fledged director was titled  Police Recruit, then Two Bad Boys. I shot back to back for OJ Productions. I also played one of the lead roles then.  Thereafter, I starred in Tortoise, another movie produced by OJ and directed by Adim Williams. I was an Assistant Director in that film. At the time, the three lead roles were given to John Okafor, Okey Bakassi and Victor Osuagwu.
As a second year student in 1997, I had done a movie with Adim also directed by Lancelot Imasuen. It was a comedy titled, The Year 2000. Adim played the lead role while  I had about 12 scenes. Adim asked me to play the role but the producer did not want me. But when the flick was released, it was a big hit. The film that gave me my break was when I played the role of Mr. Dumbra in Corporate Maid.

Venturing  into acting

I am a very shy person. I am not one of those who would have ended up as an actor. I am a great lover of literature. The late Professor  Bode Osanyin of the University of Lagos then had a place in Ijoko, Ota in Ogun State called Writers Resort. What the Resort does was to invite literary enthusiasts, writers, poets, dramatists and literary critics to a retreat.

The guest reader for the month would read his poems or plays and respond to questions from the gathering.  Being fresh from secondary school  then,  I and my friend, Malik Ibitoye, now a journalist, would make it to the literary gathering. This particular month, late environmentalist, Ken Saro Wiwa was hosted by the resort.

Before then, Bassey and Company, a popular soap opera was already a rave on television and Saro Wiwa was already making  waves on the international scene with his Ogoni struggle. Saro Wiwa was large and because we have read some of his plays, the enthusiasm to meet him was very high. Usually, we went to the resort that fateful Saturday evening,  arrange the chairs  and cleaned the environment. Late Professor Bode  Osanyin urged us to stage a short play for Wiwa. Initially, I refused to be part of the play, preferring to do something different.

But somehow, I was encouraged to be part of the short play.  Immediately, the last scene was over, I ran backstage to hide myself.  While I was hiding,  they invited me back on stage. But  lo and behold!  Saro Wiwa singled me out and asked if I had acted before, I replied in the contrary. He asked what I was doing, I said I was a  Jambite and wanted to read Law.

He asked if I had secured admission, I said I was waiting for my JAMB result. He reasoned that it would take about eight to 12 months and he advised me to enroll for Certificate programme that would last for 10 months. When we left, Malik and some of my friends encouraged me to do so. That was how I secured an admission to do certificate programme in UNIPORT. While doing the programme, I discovered I had only come face to face with my destiny. So, I did not spare any  time to seek admission for a full time degree programme.

Growing pot belly

In fact that is the more reason we have to thank God for Osofia’s life, if not, people would still believe that big tummy is part of the requirement for one to become a comedian. Osofia has been able to proof that you don’t need to have a big tummy to be a successful comedian. It was common problem most of us had to contend with then but thank Gos Osofia has proven it has nothing to do with it.

I cannot stab myself in the stomach to reduce it but I discovered that it is easier to acquire it than to shed it.

Starring in “Calabar Girl”movie

This is what I cannot even explain. Some time ago, a  senior colleague of mine invited me to be part of his new production. For over 15 years, he has not shot a single  movie as things  were really rough for him. He was staging a comeback and needed my support. I have known him for several years and as an undergraduate,  storming Lagos those days to attend auditions, he was one of the foremost directors in  Nollywood then. There was no way I could have refused to support his return to the industry.

That was how I ended up starring in that movie. To  win my sympathy, he narrated how a marketer once rejected  his film simply because he did not feature regular faces in the film. I appeared in few scenes in the movie which was shot in three days. I have no idea whatsoever regarding  what lewed scenes he had previously shot.

In fact, I’m yet to understand why he decided to shoot such movie. I think he took his desperation too far. I’m  surprised that he used my face to promote pornography because the very day I saw the movie jacket, I knew something was wrong with it. There was no way I could have been part of the movie  if I knew from the out set that what he has shot was something close to an adult film.

Wife’s reaction

I thank God that I married my friend. I try as much as possible to be truthful to my wife. She saw the movie and  got convinced that my character  was not in any way connected with those dirty scenes in the movie. In fact, she has nothing whatsoever to be angry about.

What I learnt from the project

What I have learnt is that next time, I should be wary about  who comes to ask for my help in disguise. Next time, I would insist on  seeing  the previous script before accepting to be part of any make-up scenes in a movie.

Meeting my wife

I met my wife the way other people meet theirs.

Marriage experience

Marriage is wonderful. I was talking to one of my senior colleagues the other day and I told him, I now know why he wanted me to get married. I think I am a better person now than before. Things that you would ordinarily react to are things you now take a second look at. Marriage has calmed me down. I am a lot more mature now and I am happy.

NGOZI EZEONU FLAUNTS HER NEW SLIM BODY, SAYS SHE'S NOT SICK.

Recently Actress Ngozi Ezeonu’s recent pictures went viral with insinuations about her being ill and not looking nice.The Nollywood actress insists she’s not sick. In her own words:

“I will really appreciate it if some people will stop insinuating that I’ m sick just because I worked on my weight. Please o, I’m not sick. Wish us well instead of sickness or death. Thank you.”

CHANNEL O AWARD NOMINEES (CLICK TO VIEW FULL LIST)

The Channel O Africa Music Awards has finally unveiled its nominees in the 14 categories. Among the artistes nominated for awards are Lola Rae (Watch My Ting Go), Burna Boy (Tonight) and Kenya’s Victoria Kimani (Mtoto). Others include South African duo, Mafikizolo’s Khona for Most Gifted Video of the Year as well as Most Gifted Dance Video, and Nigeria’s P-Square’s Alingo for the Most Gifted Video of the Year including Most Gifted African (West).

Most Gifted Video of the Year category is Kenya’s STL whose Stella has also put her in contention for Most Gifted Female where she’s up against Lizha James (Vais Rochar), South Africa’s Zonke (Feelings) and Toya DeLazy (Heart) as well as Nigeria’s Tiwa Savage (Without My Heart ft. Don Jazzy).

Most Gifted Male includes Botswana’s Zeus featuring AKA and Tumi, #Datswasup (also in the running for Most Gifted Video of the Year) along with Iyanya, Flavour and Wizkid’s Azonto,South Africa’s Donald (Over The Moon) and Tanzania’s Ay featuring Marco Chali (Party Zone).

This year’s Channel O Africa Music Awards will hold on Saturday, November 30 at Walter Sisulu Square in Kliptown, Soweto.

CHIDINMA BECOMES FIRST FEMALE ACT TO MAKE MTV’S NAIJA TOP 10

              The Okoye twins drop one place to number two while the Koko Master himself, D’Banj, continues to nip at their heels from the number three position with “Don’t Tell Me Nonsense”.

Last week’s studio guest, Burna Boy, stays solid at number four with “Run My Race”.

This week’s highest climber is Timaya who moves up two places to number six with “Ekoloma Demba” while DJ Xclusive continues to make upward progress, rising one place to number five with “No Time”.

Wande Coal’s former number one “The Kick” hung on tight but still fell from number three  this week to number seven.  BET Award winner Ice Prince drops down to number nine and 2face is valiantly holding onto the number ten slot with “Rainbow” for the second week running.

This week’s charts has been put together by an elite panel of judges comprising Nigerian broadcasters, music specialists and taste makers, working with MTV Base to pick the winners and losers in the week’s chart. On the panel are Onos Ovueraye (Bella Naija.com), DJ Humility (Rhythm FM), DJ Jimmy Jatt, DJ Xclusive (Cool FM), Big Time (Rhythm FM), DJ Caise (The Beat FM), Toolz (The Beat FM) and Osagie Alonge (Nigerian Entertainment Today).

PETER AND PAUL OKOYE OF P-SQUARE BECOME HONORARY CALGARIANS

The superstar singers who are currently on their US/Canada Tour, shared the photos and good news on instagram. They said they have been sworn in as honorary Calgarians - an honour bestowed on foreigners who have done very well in their chosen field. They were presented with official white hats after the ceremony. Calgary is the largest city in southern Alberta, Canada and it's citizens are called Calgarians. Congrats to them.

GENEVIEVE NNAJI, HER BLUE HERMÈS BIRKIN BAG AS SHE STORMS CANADA

Genevieve Nnaji, her blue Hermès Birkin bag (ranges from $7,500 to $150k) and her Louis Vuitton luggage bags landed in Toronto, Canada yesterday to attend the world premiere of the much anticipated movie, Half of a Yellow Sun, based on the award winning novel by Chimamanda Adichie.

The movie, starring Chinwetel Ejiofor, Thandie Newton, Onyeka Onwenu, Genevieve Nnaji will get its premiere at the 38th annual Toronto International Film Festival (TIFF) tomorrow, Sunday 8th September 2013, at the Winter Garden Theatre, Toronto, Canada.


Half of the Yellow Sun is directed by prolific UK-based Nigerian playwright, Biyi Bandele, and produced by BAFTA award winner, Andrea Calderwood (of The Last King of Scotland).  The British/Nigerian co-production was shot at the Tinapa Film Studios in Calabar, Nigeria and the United Kingdom.

"I’VE SPENT AN HOUR DAILY READING DICTIONARIES IN THE LAST 20 YEARS" - PATRICK OBAHIAGBON

You guys need to read this hilarious interview grammarian and current Chief of Staff to the Edo State Governor, Patrick Obahiagbon granted to Punch. Excerpts below...

Why do you always speak ‘big grammar’?

I am not really consensus ad idem with those who opine that my idiolect is advertently obfuscative. No no no, it’s just that I am in my elements when the colloquy has to do with the pax nigeriana of our dreams and one necessarily needs to fulminate against the alcibiadian modus vivendi of our prebendal political class. 

How did you start speaking in this manner? 

It all happened when my father brought me a teaser which stated that good orators had ruled the world and you must have to be a feisty orator if you must rule the world. As an impressionable young man, I alacritously threw myself into the whirligig of improving my usage of words by amassing new words on a daily basis.

How do you talk to your wife, children and even your friends?

I relate with my family and friends very warmly and in an atmosphere of camaraderie, stripped of my confutational habiliment and gladiatorial homilies. I am a very peaceful, calm, level-headed and celestially attuned soul personality.

Is this the way you proposed to your wife, speaking high tech grammar?

 Of course, the business of the day when I interfaced with my wife on matters of the heart had to be in plain Caeser’s language and you can decipher why that had to be so. The matter in view did not permit itself of sphinxian conundrum.

It’s a long time ago, so I can’t remember the exact words I used. We had a relationship for ten years before we got married. We’re looking at close to 20 years ago. 

Did you write exams in school in these big words? 

I used such words very-very freely in my exams both at the secondary school and in my university and little wonder I had the misfortune of my English results being seized intermittently in my O’ Levels. WAEC released my results for the other subjects and withheld my English result. This happened for about three years. Twice, I passed the University Matriculation Examination but I could not proceed to the University because of my English results that were not released. At the end of the day, it was released after the third attempt.

How many dictionaries do you read a day and how often do you read dictionaries?

 I have read and still do read a vaudeville of dictionaries from Websters to Funk and Wagnalls, from Cambridge to Oxford dictionaries, from Black’s Law Dictionary to Encarta and from Encyclopedia Britannica to Foreignisms, etcetera. I developed my corpus of vocabulary by reading omnivorously. I have also spent nothing less than an hour daily on my dictionary for over twenty years. So, whereas the dictionary for most people is a mere occasional reference point, it is for, me a vade-mecum. It may also interest you to know that there is much to learn from our daily newspapers.

Was English your best subject?

 My best subject in secondary school was government and religion and am sure that I was drawn to religion because, I now know as a student of Rosicrucian mysticism, that I was a student of divine light in my last incarnation. As for government, I just fell in love with the subject due to my early attraction in life to issues of political-economy.

So what did you score in English language?

English language was of course my hobbyhorse and passion but like I earlier asseverated, my results were constantly guillotined to my utter chagrin that I had to lapse into a jeremiad of lachrymoseim for a period of aeon. I would need to check the result again to be sure of my score.

 Do you pray the same way you speak?

God understands all languages, my brother and I pray to God using any word that pops up. May I posit that the key points in prayers are your sincerity, purity of heart, walking within the compass and to what extent are you ready and worthy of receiving the benediction of the cosmic and the cosmic masters because as we say in mysticism- “when the students are ready, the masters would appear.”

Take my words my brother that more than seventy per cent of humanity don’t know how to pray but that is a matter for another day.

 Do you know that many people don’t take you too seriously when you talk because they think you are not communicating 

Why will I be perturbed from ensconcing myself in the palatable arms of Morpheus because people have deprived themselves of the cultivation of the regime of the mental magnitude? I read all the farrago of baloneys and vacuous bunkum from pepper soup objurgators. The spirit of animadversion remains their fundamental human right. It also remains an indubitable fact that I get millions and millions of requests daily from people all over the world requesting for my verbal mentorship which positive cosmopolitan reactions have assisted my equipoise and righteous sense of pachydermatous garb. I cannot put my nose to the grindstone daily and expect to be understood by those luxuriating in a modus vivendi, verging onpepper souping, goat heading, suyaing, big stouting and isiewulising. Has a philosophical wag not once pontificated that things of the spirit are spiritually discerned and that it takes the deep to call the deep? We will speak more on this matter of critiques and chichi dodo another day.

Why do you pull your trousers up beyond the waist?

Hahahaha….That trousers style is called Yohji Yamamoto. It was my own audacious statement to remonstrate against the pervasive tendency of Nigerians especially our youths that took to the practice of putting on trousers exposing their lower anatomical contours and I will do it over and over again.